Wow, day 175. We’re almost halfway through the year.
Definitely purging a little bit today, perhaps using my poetry to process my own life’s journey. This theme may be a tad redundant but writing this poem definitely helped me with my mindset and perspective going forward today. Here’s hoping someone else will get something similar out of it.
Confession. I hate yesterday’s poem. I’m sure I’m not alone as a poet who occasionally produces something he or she is unhappy with. I kept waiting for inspiration to strike me with something better and it never came. Lesson learned: push forward anyway. Momentum is more important than perfection. I’m beginning to suspect that I’m a rather dense student because this lesson seems somewhat familiar by this point.
In that spirit of moving forward, here are the poems for both 162 and 163.
I wanted to write about prosperity and this is what came out…
I was contemplating the nature of control this morning and realized that I have several personal hangups surrounding it that I need to work on. One of which is the struggle with the idea that I am not the author of my own life, but rather the protagonist in my own story. It’s an interesting reframing that’s given me much to think on and at the same time is more than a little freeing.
Another Untitled piece because for the life of me I couldn’t come up with one. I’m open to suggestions if you have any.
This morning finds me thinking on the buildup before a big decision. Sometimes the decision is yours. Sometimes it is someone else’s. Sometimes they are very big decisions and sometimes they are small but significant decisions and sometimes there is more than one occurring at once.
I had an interesting conversation with my bride about expressions we each thought of as synonymous yet which each of us understood differently. In particular our standard responses to the common question “How was your day?” provided the inspiration for today’s poem.
I’ve got a bit of backlog again. I’ve been writing but not publishing my writing as I should. I’d intended to spread out several of these backed up poems out over the course of the day but the day had other plans. So did the next. And it has been brought to my attention that when a backlog such as this occurs, that those following his blog do not like being suddenly inundated with multiple updates. So, here is my attempt at compromise. One post. Three poems. Today’s own post will follow shortly.
This poem was written in an effort to recapture the loss of the poem, Creative’s Career, which I started in a moment of inspiration that was cut short and the scrap of paper I’d written it down on was thought lost. While the opening is very similar, It ultimately became its own thing. Every time I finish a book, my mind is overwhelmed with ideas. Many of them for entirely new projects or for things I’ve set aside to do later when often what I need to do most is push forward onto the next book in whatever series I’ve started. So many ideas. So many stories to tell. It’s a little overwhelming.
I have been my own worst enemy with my writing. I’ve said before that part of the reason I use pennames is because they give me permission to fail. Permission to simply write. In essence, when I go into a piece knowing that I am going to publicly claim it as my own, I am writing from a place of fear and I think it is undermining my efforts. That got me thinking about the nature of fear and courage and what is required of me with regards to both if I am to succeed as a professional creative. Perhaps what is required of many of us going forward.
There is a principle in professional investing that is difficult for many to wrap their heads around, let alone embrace, and which I feel applies to many areas of life. Diversify your investments. Bleed money. Aim wide. The idea is that you’re waiting for something called a “black swan,” which is to say the rare and unpredictable success. Something is going to do well eventually and it all boils down to a test of endurance. Waiting for that single critical moment to strike, the build off of. Then repeating the process over again.
Everyone and everything has an opinion, it seems. Most of them are good and valid. What’s frustrating is when they are unsolicited and come from places, such as your own body and mind, that cannot be denied or ignored, and worse still when they are also opposed. Today has been a day of conflicting opinions and information. At this point, I’m over analyzing and optimization and ready to simply make things happen.
The hardest part for me about being a professional creative is the period of time that follows the completion of a project. The world and work doesn’t care that I’m done. I do. I’m tired. But there’s the next phase of the process. Marketing, production, making sure everything is formatted and edited just so. And, of course, there’s a thousand other projects all screaming for my attention.
Today’s work though isn’t just for myself. Some dear friends are experiencing something similar. They’ve undergone an impressive journey and are now reaching the end. They’re entering the post-conclusion crash stage. You’re not alone, my friends.
I typed this one out after running out of space on my notebook’s page. It had to happen eventually. I’ll take it as a good problem to have, just like this post conclusion crash, because it means I did it.
It comes as a surprise
When a project labored over for so long
Is finished
Complete
Done
Like the Abrupt Conclusion
To Stepping Off a Cliff
Is there a Next?
So Many Nexts.
But my mind is still reeling
From the journey that
Felt like a Fall
My spirit still flattened,
Pulling Free From
The Impact Crater.
The World is Still Spinning
And screaming
Behind my Head
For the Next Step
–Take It Already!
There’s No Time For Triumph.
The World Doesn’t Care
About Your Fatigue
Dismissive of Your Disorientation.
The Challenge Has Been
Issued
So I Issue Back One of My Own
And Take That Next
Unsteady Step
Remembering–and Grateful–
That I am Not Alone
Had a good talk with my bride about the future last night. Thing was, even though it was good, there was an element of fear to it. I had to take a step back and remind myself verbally that this was a GOOD talk about possibilities and dreams and opportunities and growth. The element of fear didn’t come from the prospect of the future, it came from within. How many of us have held ourselves back not out of fear of the future, but because of the hungry fear inside of us?
Mother’s Day has me thinking about courage and decisions. Say what you will about instinct, at the end of the day it is a choice to be a parent. A courageous choice and one worthy of admiration. I’ve been blessed with a pair of wonderful role models.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Wait, Day 97? What happened to 96?
I missed it.
No excuse, I had an opportunity to do it during my break at work and I passed on. After that, when I got home I crashed. Hard. Been trying to do so much lately. Not the point.
I am proud that it took me 96 days before is missed a poem. New goal: try to go the rest of the year without missing another one. If I am to miss another, try to beat my 96 day streak.
Today’s poem is inspired by missing yesterday’s. I couldn’t tell you why Neverland and Peter Pan popped into my head, exactly, though in this context it certainly makes sense. Those stories are really depressing and downright frightening at their heart. Missed and stolen opportunities.
A piece of me mourns the loss of yesterday’s poem. It will never be written, never grow up, or go on adventures. It won’t even get to die because it was never born. Simply missed. An adventure not taken, an opportunity not explored. On the other hand, I am taking to heart why this is so valuable to me. The pursuit of dreams, seeing beauty realized and brought to fruition. Here is a rededication to never stop chasing the shine.
The Everyday Poet 