Day 153: Pressure to Perform

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I am a writer. I write poetry and novels. Stories are my passion. Have been since I was a child.

I use pen names, pseudonyms, as much for marketing as to allow myself freedom to fail and be detached from my work. I’ve been taking steps this year to remove myself from that fear-driven mentality. I don’t think that I’ll ever give up pen names–as a self-publishing author they’re useful for brand recognition and marketing–but there are many ways to handle them and mindset matters.

Those thoughts got me thinking about other kinds of performers this morning. The strength that some of them generate by virtue of having to face that pressure to be perfect and doing their jobs anyway. What if they didn’t have to? Would they, and we as those who enjoy their performances, be better or worse for it?

Pressure to Perform

Day 152: Golden Problems

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There has always been a division in my life that amuses me to think on. Half the people dear to me think me a pessimist and the other half think me an optimist. The last few days have felt a little like a less dramatic Three Stooges skit. This morning I ran into another hiccup almost right out of the gate. But it occurred to me how lucky I am to have to deal with this particular hiccup. In fact, most, of not all of my problems ultimately stem from leading a truly blessed life. It’s not that my problems aren’t real or don’t hold weight, only that, now that I dwell on them, it is as if they are written in liquid gold.

Golden Problems

Day 151: Long Haired Shar-Pei

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This is not one of my stronger poems, but I had to get this out of my head.

Have you ever seen something and it just stuck with you? I met this sweet dog a few days ago and haven’t been able to get him out of my head. He was adorable. In that way that when something is so positively ugly and goofy looking that your brain can’t quite process it so your mental filter does a one-eighty and puts it in the opposite category.

I even included here a little sketch I doodled up. Sadly, the proportions in said sketch are pretty much 100% accurate. I swear this dog’s entire body could not have matched the sheer mass of his enormous, fluffy head.

Long Haired Shar-Pei

Day 150: Disconnected

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Having a weird thing happen where we’re losing phone service inside our home. Our WiFi connection still works with our phones but making it receiving texts or calls? The experience is producing some odd sensations, many frustrating, others not so much.

Disconnected

Day 148: Ants in a Rat Race

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I’ve been really caught up in work lately. My part time job, my novels, the audiobook production, trying to do everything in a day. I just about burned myself out. This weekend I took a big step back and let myself rest. I am rethinking my approach.

I have a truly blessed life. My problems are all great problems to have. I need to slow it down and enjoy my amazing present and the process.

Ants in a Rat Race

Day 147: The Gift of Presence

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I love where I live. I am grateful that my bride and I have moved here. This is a wonderful, welcoming community that has been very good to both of us.

I have two good friends who I do not speak to as often as I wish I could or even as often as I should. My family often has events that I have to decline the invitations to. Our home is wonderful, I wouldn’t give it up, but there is a much greater effort to share oneself with people over distance.

My parents made a trip down from Houston today just to join my bride and I for breakfast on Memorial Day. It was kind and generous and inspiring. They made an effort. They sacrificed time and space to join us today. How amazing is that? I must try harder to do the same.

The Gift of Presence

Day 145: Broken Pieces

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I’ve got a book coming out in a few days. I am both excited and nervous. I put a lot into it, maybe more than anything I’ve done before. It’s winding me in knots. This book is a big risk for me in more ways than one and took me way outside my comfort zone. I’m more invested in its success than anything else I’ve ever written. It’s either going to belly flop into a vat of acid or take off. Here’s hoping it’s got wings.

Broken Pieces

Day 143: How Do I Fly?

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It’s been one crazy week. A lot of tough learning, a lot of picking back up, and a lot of being pulled in multiple directions. It’s times like these that all we can do is pick one and go for it.

How Do I Fly?

Day 140: Oil

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More car problems this morning. There’s never really a good time to have car problems but the timing on ours could be so much worse. My bride’s Bug is leaking oil from somewhere, it’s dripping all over the place and the entire undercarriage is coated. It’s going to cost extra just to get it all cleaned off so the mechanics can even find the leak.

Naturally this got me thinking about oil and our relationship with it. It’s kind of morbid when you get down to it. We’re burning the remains of dead animals to power our machines. We are modern day necromancers, which I’d think would be a lot cooler if every story out there didn’t end so poorly for the necromancer.

Oil